Wednesday, December 12, 2012


The world wobbles through space and I sleep all day like a vampire or other such creature of the night, but alas I have an exquisite excuse, I work the grave at a local mental health facility. Oh praise to the God's of charitable organization! This though as I have said many times before downs a pone me a peculiar and I want to say alien dissipation--I have become a creature of the night!

Normally I go to sleep strait away after I get home at 8am in the morn, but not to day, today I sat up saturated with coffee, listening to strange pod-casts about dead and gone political revolutions, ghosts with visions strange and motivations hard to comprehend in our current techno saturated milieu. Movements like the luddites rageing agents the burgeoning machine of the modern aria. (You would not believe this but as I wrote that last sentence the blast beats of punk band Entombed just abruptly stopped, and looking down at the speakers I see that the power button is depress, but the secrets have been shorted out, uncanny to say the least, the combined affect of too much conspiracy theory, and good timing is kind of freaking me out. Oh well its nothing!) Oh! its was just the power strip, still mighty un-canny don't you think, and really revealing of the nature of superstation.) Anyway I'm running out of money and I haven't paid my rent and it's already the 12th, I don't know what I'm doing, but I feel a sense of immanent doom is a pone me.

So after a morning of wallowing in my den hungry bellied and weird out of my mind I finely fell to sleep, when I awoke the sun had set again and I only an hour from the time I would have to return to work. Now my mood was starting to darken severely, feeling lonelier then ever, and a little discombobulated, I was off to work again.

Ah! I'm so lonely and self-consciously, yet in a very real way, paranoid. I really feel like a different person or like adrift on some dark ocean. How did I get this way?

Now at work my co-worker fills me in on the event of the day. She took some of the client’s shopping for decorations for their holiday party and they fought over fairies or butterflies the whole time. At one point she said a client held up a giant butterfly and said "let’s get this one, oh wait we're not decorating with butterflies I forgot!" "Wait!" I said, "Aren’t they the same thing, fairies and butterflies,  in mythology I mean?" My co-worker was like, "Oh no there different, well there's forest fairies they sometimes disguise themselves as butterfly's and sometimes they have butterfly wings, then you have pixies they have wings like this" and she traces with fingers the two adjacent Mandorla shapes and just as she is about to close them at the bottom she loops out to add to semi circle, "snow fairies have wings that just go up without the circle on the bottom" she sees as she traces them in the air, "and angles have wings with feathers."

So she continues the story, "we were going to go to Clackamas Town Center, but I didn't think it was a good idea because the shooter was still at large," she notices My expression, "you didn't hear about the shooting?" I say, "No!" , I was utterly consumed by the deep darkness of slumber all day, honey!, now I'm really feeling disconnected, a terrible event has taken hold of my far city and I knew absolutely nothing about it, and here is my co-worker entertaining the possibility of shopping at the vary site of this catastrophe, only minutes after it's occurrence, surely I am not myself I'm in another world altogether. God what do I do with this? Everyone is disassociating; reality its self it seems is falling apart. I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing, meaninglessness is pone us and the void is surely swallowing us whole. An army of razor toothed butter flies is biting at the bit to utterly destroy all remnants of the snow fairy civilization, for God's sake!!! And this bizarre world is having a greater effect on us then the real shooting of human beings!!!

Welcome to western civilization the supposed bastion of rationality, and progress. Granted this is a special circumstance, being a mental health facility, but you can't tell me that a similar circumstance has not happened to you in your so called normal biennial life. The bottom line is that fantasy has its priority in the day to day realm and that's just the way it is.

But really, really, we all know that tragedy most often affects us in such a way as to make us focus on and blow unimportant detail out of proportion. I guess we could say this is natural, whatever that means.

Now I leave you with 'where is my mind' by the seminal indy band the pixies.

No comments:

Post a Comment