The Mixed review is a record of my daily(nightly) readings. I hope it provides a resource for your own projects and projections into the intricacies of our world.
You hear a lot about holism these days. They say every thing is one organism, and yes, while that maybe true, unless we come to understand how things function together we really don't comprehend holism. Granted holism will always conceals most of it's mystery, to understand holism is to grasp the absolute... which is imposable, but some thinkers do get closer then others. Henry Bergson is among the most integrative thinkers of the western philosophical tradition. Dreams have long been investigated for hidden treasures of esoteric meaning, so it seems to me that Henri Bergson's book 'Dreams' would be a great place to start in a revaluation of his thought.
Henri Bergson’s 'Dreams'; unlike most books on the topic, is not psychology, nor is it some other type of inductive investigation into the meaning of dreams. It is a phenomenology of sleep; this means it’s the reported findings of some one that simply pays close attention to the experience of dreaming. This does not mean how ever that it is undisciplined or prejudiced against other types of methodology, there is psychological information in this book, as well as neurological explanations. Contrary to what many philosophers and scholars claim, Bergson is not in any way opposed to these kinds of methods of inquiry, on the contrary he simply seeks to understand, and explain how our human bodies produce meaning from/of our interactions with the world, and like all phenomenologist he uses an appeal to our basic experiences to do this. What really sets Bergson apart from other thinkers is the way he considers a topic from a middle point. When considering the mind and the body, Bergson presents the way our actions draw on experience stored in the mind as images(memory); the circumstance calls for an action, the body searches its past memories(images) for a possible course of bodily action, when is selected and the image(memory) has its baring on the circumstance through bodily movement. There you see, it's all one, continues whole, mind body, thiught action, pretty cool, hu!?
Memory has a different function when we rest, because a resting state is not the kind of circumstance that calls any particular action or image(memories) from our minds, so when our minds relax the images start floating around freely connecting in wild new ways, than we start to dream. You can see how this differs from a Freudian type psychological account of dreaming, in that there isn't really any one thing lurking in the sub-conscious mind trying to manifest it's self the way Freud’s sub-conscious does, instead dream images get there meaning from how our waking bodies might interact with them. Only when we no longer need the memories for any particular purpose do our bodies stop trying to call up the necessary images and the images start to float free. Of course this doesn't mean that dreams can't tell us something about ourselves, just not exactly the same sorts of things the Freud supposes they will. Dreams will tell us something of the nature of image and even the mind and body they just won’t tell us some secret about our mothers, or other such soup opera none sense. Bergson’s theory is really set apart from other theories of consciousness in that for him no pre-existing set of psychological figures need exist in order for us to make sense of the world or our dreams. For Bergson we make sense of the world through learning, and we learn through connecting actions with past images, so for him we don't need an 'id' to represent our desires, or a Platonic form to make sense of learning. For Bergson Reason is pattern recognition; taking the sense of varies memories and matching them with proper action, it's that simple. That might sound boring, "what no creepy esoteric knowledge which only doctors have access to, by which they lord over us, high priests and true authorities over our deepest selves!!!" but this also means that our dreams are free from the bounds of a narrow catalog of possible interpretations, because there simply drawn from life. This doesn't mean that there total chaos, ether, just that their meaning and potential is not entirely disconnected from our lived experience. This is good news for 2 reasons: 1 because we now have an intimate relation to the meaning of our dreams, and 2 because dreaming is now a creative process of invention; it isn't just a specimen to be dissected and studied by the elite doctors of the world. Dreams are now the building blocks of creativity and action.
For those wonderful, earnest, individualsamong you that find this topic intriguing and would like to do some further reading of your own I have included a beautiful excerpt from Henry Bergson's book 'Dreams' in which the personified Dream introduces himself with ease and candor, a link to the full copy of the book at internetarcive.com, as well as this link to the Daniel Coffeen lecture by which I first heard the good name of Henry Bergson.
The state the state the state the state the state the state
The state is the state of things
The state is force pure and simple
glass of water
the police force is the mindless extension of the law
If a police officer makes up his own mind then he is no longer the law
the police are the force of policy
on your life
it's through inspectors and cops that the law shapes your life
just like progaming a computer code
everything is shaped by the code of law
Your house, your block, sound, your money, your food, your radio, your religion, your education, the direction you go on the road, what kind of vehicles go on the road, the color of almost ever thing, what things can be done in which kinds of buildings, the rectangle shape of buildings, the checkerboard shape of almost everything including buildings, which animals live in your neighborhood, and how many animals there are, your transpiration, even yourself, your soul
Is the United States the police of the world?
Law is a concrete metaphysic
a machine schematization of life as we know it.
They say without law it would be chaos!!!
Everything we know is law.
But laws can be changed
Then life will change!!
The word cosmos means order
The law is the cosmos pure and simple
Be not of the Law
The law knows absolutely nothing of life
Even though the law came through life
Maybe it was necessary?
She’s blind
The law brings death
can you imagine a world shaped by life instead of life shaped by the world
John the revelator said that you will never know life through examination of law
the law is blind
This blind stupid thing shapes every part of our existence, and we let it
The more we let it the more we are it
But what is existence without law?
Anarchy?
I purpose a new arky--ZoeArky or Zoarky
What would it be like if life was the highest authority?
Think of the torture that law inflicts on life; war, deadlines, capital punishment, a never ending list of fees to lend more order to your life.
Is the law really to protect life and property? Or to steel it.
Hi, no body! I know you’re reading this, and before I get into anything to heavy tonight I just want to thank you so much for listening to a lonely sole, it means more to me then you would ever know.
Man, there's got to be trillions of me out there, sorry bitches typing out there souls into an vast empty plain, vacuum clean nothing, internet! Who the hell is ever going to hear any of this atomic diy batting, the masters of nobodies and any bodies’ free willing expiration! Is this you’re information revaluation!?! Nobody listens
to anybody; no one knows anything everyone just dancing with their selves!! McLuhan was right, we set out for a social network but got egoistic islands , everyone is painfully alone, can't stop talking about the community, can't get enough shallow interaction, social anemia , it's a sickness, an orgy of weeping sad hippies!!! That’s the age we live in!! Not the utopian one world of love they promised us, a no-world of lust and contempt, and that’s it.
If you don't believe me now talk to me in 6 months, you'll see.
Sorry folks, that the way it is.
Now, how was my day? Fine, it was fine. On this new schedule I stay up all night working then I go home and go along my day with all the early birds until about 3 when I collapse out of sheer extortion, if you've never done this then you wouldn’t know that day light is actaly far more offensive then you could ever imagine, it burns like hell. Well I guess it's all a matter of perspective isn't it.
After I arrived home in the morning I read the first a portion of the 2ed chapter of Graham Harman's "prince of networks" about the actor-network theorist Bruno Latour, his work and thought. Actor-network theory is a school of philosophy that claims that all things act on all other things in other words it all doesn't hinge on us humans."No object is inherently reducible or irreducible to any other."* in other words it is a radical claim that each thing makes the universe through acting on other things and is at the same time unnecessary in the making of the universe, because other things would continue to act without it, that is that the universe would go on without it. Latour is actually the founder of the discipline and really does have some good ideas about the networks and the objects and identity and every thing, the book of course is written by Graham Harman so it's his take.
Latour and Harman use the term actant to describe their basic unit of identity, as opposed to terms like subject, desien, signified, EST. To Latour and Harman representational thought is limited in understanding the universe because it makes one thing stained in for another thing which can never be entirely identical, and that at its best representations is only redundancy. They purpose instead that we think of each thing as an actent that acts on other things in order to exists, but their theory is deliberately anti-correlationist, which is to say they believe that each thing has a significant existence even without contact with human consciousness. At first this claim could be kind of offence and I admit that I too was offended when I heard this: "yeah, but you wouldn’t even know it exists without contact with it!!", "Phenomenologist (one of their assumed villains) don't deny that reality can be independent of human perception!!" "But humans do exist and they do correlate with other things!!" But after reading a little bit of this Object Oriented Ontology stuff I'm starting to understand what their getting at.
An object is inexorable and has an identity independent of the other things it interacts with. For one thing there is a sense in which we understand our selves in the light of the objects that surround us, this is part of Heideggers claim, but for Latour and Harman we know our selves because the objects that we interact with don't entirely give into our will, which is they resist us. This resistance is part of the way they act on us, and is the meaning of their "relative" independent from us. The radical part comes in when they show how objects act on each other, one such example is two atoms hitting each other:
“Every actant is fully deployed in the networks of the world, with nothing hidden beneath all the surface-plays of alliance. It is fair enough to call the world a site of immanence, as long as we reject any notion that immanence means ‘inside of human awareness’. For Latour, two atoms in collision are immanent even if no human ever sees them, since both expend themselves fully in the labor of creating networks with other actants. ‘Since whatever resists is real, there can be no “symbolic” to add to the “real”[…]. I am prepared to accept that fish may be gods, stars, or food, that fish may make me ill and play different roles in origin myths […]. Those who wish to separate the “symbolic” fish from its “real” counterpart should themselves be separated and confined’ (PF,p188). What is shared in common by marine biologists, the fishing industry, and tribal elders telling myths about icthyian deities is this: none of them really know what a fish is. All must negotiate with the fish’s reality, remaining alert to its hideonts, migrational patterns, and sacral or nutritional properties.”(38)
There’s lots pact into this little quote it is a heavy hitter: immanence is not thoughts being inside a subject, but the general ability for one thing to effect or act on another, this is true of Delueze's notion of immanence as well, immanence-in-itself, as well as N.O. Lossky's 'immanence of everything in everything,' albeit for Delueze in a vitalistic way, and for N.O. Lossky's in the form of Russian idealism. The whole point is though that these systems are independent form human interpretation. Delueze and N.O. Lossky's would both agree that the symbolic is real but in different ways. For N.O. Lossky's the symbolic is a priory and for Delueze it emerges from, and has a reciprocal relationship with the material world, but Latour and Harman don't really want to draw the battle lines there they seem to want to draw the battle lines in terms of epistemology, they simply wont to preserve the being of the fish to its self, and allow knowledge to be the ways fish act on us humans. They want us to admit that this knowledge is limited, but not entirely accessible. At one point they use the assessable of a window washer that tilts his head to see if the smug is on the inside or the outside of the glass, for Latour & Harman objects always determine the nature of action in this way. Another thing I like about this last passage is how it shows that a characteristic like divinity or deliciousness are only descriptions of the way an actants acts on other actants, but are non the less really happening.
Another term used in the book is 'black box', which is the name for the mystery that surrounds an actent and is often necessary for its functioning. A 'black box' is a skipping of steps in order to ovoid fussing with endless speculation, and just get right to the expected resolution. Now that I'm thinking about it, this blog is like a 'black box' because no one reads it, it just gets skipped over. This is how Harman describes the concept:
“Black boxes face two primary and opposite dangers: too much attention from other actants, or too little. When a black box receives too little attention, it is simply ignored. And this is the fate of most of the objects in the world. We are surrounded by trillions of actants at any given moment, and overlook the vast majority of useless flies, beetles, and electrons that swarm amidst our more treasured objects. Most patents are for inventions that never catch on in the market, or are never built at all. Most novels and scholarly articles go entirely unread: not criticized, but simply overlooked. Black boxes go nowhere if they fail to become obligatory points of passage for other entities. The second danger for black boxes is the opposite one—that of gaining too much interest in the form of skepticism and scrutiny. The work of the fraudulent South Korean clone doctor was not over looked, and neither was that of Utah’s failed cold fusion researchers. Instead, their black boxes were torn open and laid waste by sophisticated doubters. We do not want our love letters to arrive unnoticed, but neither do we wish them to be challenged or critiqued, their grammar marked with red ink.”(50)
So there you have it, this dame blog and many many like it are 'black boxes' are just skipped over, in such a way that they become powerless in their inability to act on any other objects. Trillions of blogs out there have there our independent being apart from any readership or many time even any attention from there writers, but none the less have they being in themselves and have their own innate action that could have an effect on the world, but that’s not quite right because in another place Harman explains that each object is negotiating with other objects in order to gain more prevalence, and that apart from this negotiation the object has no other power. So this pathetic little blog is pretty much dead in the water. As Herman states:
"Actants are always completely deployed in their relations with the world, and the more they are cut off from these relations, the less real they become."(19)
So I am actually becoming more and more unreal as I type this with every new word even the pretty much none existent readers of this blog are leaving, and literally taking this blogs existence with them. But wait isn't the whole point of Object Oriented philosophy to safe guard objects from those that would like to think that they can control them meanly by their intentions and attention! Hm?!
"Actors become more real by making larger portions of the cosmos vibrate in harmony with their goals, or by taking detours in their goals to capitalize on the force of nearby actants. For Latour, the words ‘winner’ and ‘loser’ are not inscribed in inscribed in the essence of a thing, since there is no essence in the first place. Any actant has a chance to win or lose, though some have more weaponry at their disposal. Winners and losers are inherently equal and must be treated symmetrically. The loser is the one who failed to assemble enough human, natural, artificial, logical, and inanimate allies to stake a claim to victory. The more connected an actant is, the more real; the less connected, the less real. "(19)
What a wonders statement, reality is not constituted by human attention necessarily, but just the tension of the some of its parts, those parts intern only have share in reality insofar as they influence other such parts. I sense a mite bit of Nietzsche in this highly competitive view of the world. It's like Friedrich Nietzsche's will to power mines am a fotie. I also see someone you wouldn’t expect allied with Nietzsche, the Russian Christian idealist philosopher N.O. Lossky. For Lossky absolute value of any what he calls an agent is entirely derived from its ability to join the eternal through influence on other such agents, for Lossky this is part of the way this world is joined to the Divine Trinity, but on the converse just like Latour N.O. Lossky considers an agents inability to connect with other such entities as resulting in its eventual annihilation.
"Returning periodically to his former activities, an
individual does not simply repeat them, but sometimes he perfects them in accordance with his creative inventive ability in the sense of attaining a somewhat greater fullness of content. Usually, however, these changes are insignificant, so that the type of action remains the same.
Any considerable step forward in the achieving of the
fullness of content usually requires the removal of certain
Forms of egoistic exclusiveness and the transition to a
new type of life, to a higher level of it. "(90)
Inspite of Lossky's perfound differences from Latour in terms of their views on things like transcendence and humanity they both manage to share the idea that an actent actually becomes more real through its influence on other actents. Something else I'm noticing is that while Lossky shares a view that an increase in influence makes something more real. Latour dramatically contrasts Nietzsche in that where as for Nietzsche the repeatability of an event, in the form of an eternal return, lends value to that event, for Lossky repeatability amounts to mechanization and the loss of individual value.
Oh well, all this hope for meaning is grand and all, but really it's clear that this blog is doomed for annihilation, and really I think Latour is right, it's because it will never make the "cosmos vibrate" in "harmony with their goals," and this isn't do to some essence of the blog, each one is different, it's simply the "weaponry at their disposal," it just has absolutely no "allies," and that’s all there is to it.
The tragic events of yesterdays Town Center Shooting are not sitting well with me. This is of course how people usually feel about these things, but for me it's different, I feel as though I am entangle in this event in some in-explicable way, like those victims are somehow my brothers and sisters and that shooter is some sort of long lost school chum. I know this sound’s totally crazy but it's not, I of course I don't mean any of this literally I mean it in a mythological sense, in a sense outside the normal categories of sanity and insanity. It's more like the weird sanity of a dream, you would never try the things you do in your dreams in real life, but somehow they make sense as long as you’re asleep, it is in this sense that I feel connected to these people, through dreams and moods, deep sorrow. I in no way think that these connections could ever be actuated in any other way but to cause me deep emotion stirrings.
In spite of this lingering uncomfort, today was somewhat more light then yesterday, today I didn't go to sleep right after work, same as yesterday, but today it wasn't because I wasn't wired it was because I had slept late in the day yesterday, and I was now on a different sleep schedule.
There’s that passage in Drama Bums where he solves the problems of cruelty toward animals through mediation and mystical revelation. I like that!
At one point Anders my cousin looks up and started to say, “this is place is still kind of ol'...." as the man seated behind me lifted his I-Pad to his face... "Well" Anders continues on a new path, "you would be crazy not to have one of these smart phones, that is if you can afford it, there just to helpful," I roll my eyes,(just joking) I node politely, it's a good thing isn't it. In between conversing we kept talking about how nice everything was; the gray over cast clouds, the food, all the nice people, I started to get the impression it wasn't really about these things but the burnet waitress instead. She had a longish face, lots of dark brown curly hair, and a lean figure with somewhat wide hips, and incredible checks, and full lips. Yeah it was all about the waitress, just like a Kerouac novel. She was some gone girl or whatever.
After that we went to pick up Anders's tux for his brother’s wedding at Loid center mall. The journey became increasingly drogues’ as I got more and more tired. While he was in the store I saw two old guys sleeping on big sofa chairs in the spinal aria of the mall, I found my own char, and when I sat down I noticed this really large couple going to town on each other’s face 20 feet infount of me, it was only like 3 secants, I swear, and the guy noticed I saw him, I didn't see his expiration because I looked away, it was really stupid, I didn't feel like a pervert or anything, they were just right in my line of site, after that I just closed my eyes and took a nap--until Anders got out of the store.
I'm thinking about the shooter now, I really just need to find something else to think about. Why would somebody do something like that? Just stop thinking about it!!!
When I dropped Anders off at my folks place my body was really starting to fatigue, I was rambling bout God, and Anders was taking pictures the rainbow of oil on the driveway, I decided to go to sleep there, found a couch, and crashed. When I woke up my folks where in the room getting ready to watch some music videos, they asked if I wanted them to let me sleep, and I said I was ready to get up, so they put on a Rich Mullins video. Rich Mullins was a Christian music artist from the early nineties, his music is up lifting late 80's soft pop,(to soft for me) some times he's a bit angular though,(which I like). One thing is He's pretty un- self conscious (which can be a good thing or a bad). He was vary popular among evangelicals in the 90's and (still highly regarded) so he had a lot of money which he gave away to were wholly shoos and live among native Americans, he's sort of like a Evangelical saint, a high contrast to the lavish pope's of Christian television networking. I don't know if it's because he died in a plane crash or what, but his music seems a little hunted to me, but in a sweat way.
The world wobbles through space and I sleep all day like a vampire or other such creature of the night, but alas I have an exquisite excuse, I work the grave at a local mental health facility. Oh praise to the God's of charitable organization! This though as I have said many times before downs a pone me a peculiar and I want to say alien dissipation--I have become a creature of the night!
Normally I go to sleep strait away after I get home at 8am in the morn, but not to day, today I sat up saturated with coffee, listening to strange pod-casts about dead and gone political revolutions, ghosts with visions strange and motivations hard to comprehend in our current techno saturated milieu. Movements like the luddites rageing agents the burgeoning machine of the modern aria. (You would not believe this but as I wrote that last sentence the blast beats of punk band Entombed just abruptly stopped, and looking down at the speakers I see that the power button is depress, but the secrets have been shorted out, uncanny to say the least, the combined affect of too much conspiracy theory, and good timing is kind of freaking me out. Oh well its nothing!) Oh! its was just the power strip, still mighty un-canny don't you think, and really revealing of the nature of superstation.) Anyway I'm running out of money and I haven't paid my rent and it's already the 12th, I don't know what I'm doing, but I feel a sense of immanent doom is a pone me.
So after a morning of wallowing in my den hungry bellied and weird out of my mind I finely fell to sleep, when I awoke the sun had set again and I only an hour from the time I would have to return to work. Now my mood was starting to darken severely, feeling lonelier then ever, and a little discombobulated, I was off to work again.
Ah! I'm so lonely and self-consciously, yet in a very real way, paranoid. I really feel like a different person or like adrift on some dark ocean. How did I get this way?
Now at work my co-worker fills me in on the event of the day. She took some of the client’s shopping for decorations for their holiday party and they fought over fairies or butterflies the whole time. At one point she said a client held up a giant butterfly and said "let’s get this one, oh wait we're not decorating with butterflies I forgot!" "Wait!" I said, "Aren’t they the same thing, fairies and butterflies, in mythology I mean?" My co-worker was like, "Oh no there different, well there's forest fairies they sometimes disguise themselves as butterfly's and sometimes they have butterfly wings, then you have pixies they have wings like this" and she traces with fingers the two adjacent Mandorla shapes and just as she is about to close them at the bottom she loops out to add to semi circle, "snow fairies have wings that just go up without the circle on the bottom" she sees as she traces them in the air, "and angles have wings with feathers."
So she continues the story, "we were going to go to Clackamas Town Center, but I didn't think it was a good idea because the shooter was still at large," she notices My expression, "you didn't hear about the shooting?" I say, "No!" , I was utterly consumed by the deep darkness of slumber all day, honey!, now I'm really feeling disconnected, a terrible event has taken hold of my far city and I knew absolutely nothing about it, and here is my co-worker entertaining the possibility of shopping at the vary site of this catastrophe, only minutes after it's occurrence, surely I am not myself I'm in another world altogether. God what do I do with this? Everyone is disassociating; reality its self it seems is falling apart. I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing, meaninglessness is pone us and the void is surely swallowing us whole. An army of razor toothed butter flies is biting at the bit to utterly destroy all remnants of the snow fairy civilization, for God's sake!!! And this bizarre world is having a greater effect on us then the real shooting of human beings!!!
Welcome to western civilization the supposed bastion of rationality, and progress. Granted this is a special circumstance, being a mental health facility, but you can't tell me that a similar circumstance has not happened to you in your so called normal biennial life. The bottom line is that fantasy has its priority in the day to day realm and that's just the way it is.
But really, really, we all know that tragedy most often affects us in such a way as to make us focus on and blow unimportant detail out of proportion. I guess we could say this is natural, whatever that means.
Now I leave you with 'where is my mind' by the seminal indy band the pixies.
The film, Sufi Soul: The Mystical Music of Islam, documents the musical traditions of varies Sufi communities from Pakistan to India, it was originally aired on the BBC. The film is hospitable as it presents the shered inheritance of Christianity, Islam, and Judaism in the formation of the Sufi tradition, indeed the narrator informs us that, Islam’s Ramadan has its roots in Christian practice of lent.
Much like the accounts found in the Koran, the Torah, and the Bible, the 'Sufi Soul' starts with a tail of two brothers, the narrator William Dalrymple informs us that there is another side to Islam differing from the one presented by the western media, a peaceful Islam called Sufism. These 2 brother growing form the same soil made their paths to heaven in 2 vary different ways, the one through strict adheres to the practice of daily prayer, the other through the palpable experience of Devin Love in the living creation of Allah.
But the Sufi Soul is not an amalgamated lump of love and peace of a soft headed sort, on the contrary as this film documents Sufism is a dizzying array of divergent expressions of Devin Love, ranging from the rowdy punk like rhapsody of the Turkish tradition to the refined Desmond dervishes rooted in the formalism of the late 18th century Ottoman Empire.
And, this all seems appropriate given the vast array of forms found in the world Allah created, and indeed this ontology is bountifully expressed at one point in the film by Nail Kesove; "Everything is whirling in the world from the smallest cell up to the galaxies of the universe, our whirling is to join this universal prayer." Indeed this is a universe and everything in it whirls, but not everything whirls the same, let’s find our way to whirl, in G-d.
My heart bursts like a grape
All these little over sites are culminating into some great finale my dear
What is it?
Barely tragic, not at all
The leper colony on the edge of time
My own variances
My stabbing in the dark
Alas I am tampered by a great and untimely void
The un-requited text message
Oh bitter and belated pain
"Should I wait for you here!?"
in the empty space of a simple question
Never will I wait again! I will for now and on word always insist on a reply even at the risk of seeming weak
My stomach turns and I wish for sleep for a dream to take me away from you
Kicking and screaming
Believe it or not this is a great triumph for me
I am free to lay myself on the alter over and over again for ever
Turn my simple question into a plea
"Say something, please!"
I am a beast
I am Marty Mcfly with the vanishing hand
I cannot request relief
I am an abomination to your acquaintance
I am eternaly a drift
a true individual
like an astronaut astray in space
Make shore to check the blog archive and read my past entries. Thank you.
“What is preserved‒the thing or the work of art‒is a block of sensations, that is to say, a compound of percepts and affects.”*
fix the light
I was on Daniel Coffeen’s site(doctor of the rhtorical arts) this night, and I just so happen to be listening to the Norwegian Black Metal band Burzum, and was struck by the affect produced through the juxtaposition of all the elements; text, background, and music.
Here are some more
compound precepts & affects.
Consider the way these pictuers change the music.
If you can sense the changing then you understand the concept of the percept.
Alfred Hitchcock comes to mind.
I think this video I took at the prayer office goes quite well too.
*from page 164 of Gilles Deleuze and Felix Guattari's What is Philosophy?
The pupil is a hole located in the center of the iris of the eye that allows light to enter the retina. when I look at a painting
with these holes
I love the way black pulls me in
Black is the void
always the void
whats an other word for pupil
I hate the word pupil
iris is a beautiful word
pupil is terrible!
Though pupils themselves are immensely beautiful I like to look into the void of an eye and watch it grow I like when her iris are so dark I can't distinguish them from her pupils and I sink deep into the hole and am utterly consumed by it's void sailing in an infinite ocean of black and all I can think is some how I'm finding you I'm your rescue
God hates it when I masturbate I know this no! I really know this like you know when your hungry I know this not because any one told me this because, I'm not kidding, no one has ever told me that masturbation is bad Much less that God hates it. I think its because they where all to humiliated to say any thing I feel it in my body \ its like a chaos pattern I just know because every time I do it I feel like God hates it How the fuck am I supposed to know any thing except in this way and I'm sorry if you have no shame in masturbating and this post offends you because I really don't want you to feel shame for something that I can't see how it could effect any one else but if you do feel shame from reading this post then you've totally mist the point because 1. no one else except my self makes me feel this way so you feeling shame from reading this is entirely different from my shame. and 2. I don't want you to feel shame this I realize, no one is going to read this post, when I realize this I decide to write what ever I wan't, and what I want to write is the I am incredibly depressed at this moment do I have to be strong for others? I thought venerability is strength!!! but this is to far I know. well maybe I should say something up lifting to get out of this hole I have seen the end my memory is getting stronger now that I'm not afraid of it any more I have a good job I like some of the music thats on the radio now I passed my drivers test, the 2ed time I took it by cheating I didn't know it was cheating but I would have done it any way if I thought I could get away with it I'm regaining my love for music and art this is a really big deal Portland is a lot more boring then it looks It is a lonely sad city its cold I can't imagine how bad Seattle or Vancouver B.C. must be there even colder Im developing an acute case of a gore a phobia I love your sadness Its like your dead I love your sadness because I can't find it through your death, and I miss it I'm turning into an old man and I like it I don't like it because I'm alone and scared to death I think I took a rung turn some where and I really cant get back I'm going to build asubterranean drill machine and burrow into the core o the earth why? for the warmth I think Obama is an idiot I'm an idiot too but surprisingly Obama is a bigger idiot than me he hired B.P. to do their own clean up thats like having Charlie Manson do his own forensics I feel bad for Obama how can he live with him self I don't know I can hardly live with my self think of something up lifting reality is so rich only in my wildest dreams could I make something better Mit Romany; glad he didn't win the election barley glad he sucks "Corporations are people, my friend!" those where his words well... God loves us no mater what we do I know this is true because I feel it even when I hate my self the most so there you have it I wish you could scientifically disprove that too but it's really a stupid thing to wish for I am an alien from the planet despair actually I'm from the planet Orthodox which circles the black hole of despair I love emptiness emptiness is possibilities I hate having to plan I hate order and any thing of the cosmos the word world in the bible is translated from the greek word cosmon meaning order, political, and natural I hate the cosmos I hate the world in the biblical sense I love every one even Obama and Romney I just hate that they where our only choices for president in the last election where are all the good people God looked through out the land and he only found one good man Nowah!!! Well thats it
